Chapter 15
Just one thing I might do when not painting or writing: I might illustrate a song for the Grands and sing it too them while they hang the pictures on the fridge with magnets. I love being a Granny! Growing up in an artistic family definitely helps. Above is "Eensy Weensy Spider" and his water spout. The spider is in the bottom left corner in a puddle.
Hidden Secrets
Leona Palmer Haag
Chapter 15
After a huge lunch from a buffet stacked with deli
meats and cheeses, a variety of salads and incredible soups, Jenn felt drowsy.
All morning Bob and his assistants, Benson and Maralee had taught them how to
use common objects as self-defense weapons and survival tools.
Jenn swore she'd never laugh at Monica's spiky high
heels again after Maralee took her sleek black heels off and said, "Maybe
I can't run in these, but I can defend myself with them. There's a steel shank
up the heel and through the soul that is strong enough to hold me up, and I'm
one-hundred and thirty pounds—give or take a piece of pie. Who wants to mess
with this? Any volunteers?"
Sam was suckered into approaching Maralee in a
threatening manner. "Just stand there and see what you can do,"
Maralee challenged as she proceeded to demonstrate her lethal weapon. Before
Sam could sufficiently retreat, she had her necklace off and had him on the
ground and handcuffed with it.
Angela piped up. “That necklace didn’t come off a
bargain rack if it’s holding him.”
Maralee shook her head. “I look for better quality for
a reason.”
Jenn fingered the necklace around her throat. It
wouldn’t be entirely useless.
Maralee stood up and bowed to the clapping trainees
and said, "As you may have noticed, I’ve run out of jewelry and I didn't
disable his feet, but watch. She reached under her skirt and pulled off her
pantyhose and held them up. "Handcuffs." Sam didn't stand a change.
"What else are nylons good for?" she asked
as she released her victim. "Do you need a nice rope? How about a
tourniquet to stop excessive blood flow? What else can they do?"
Angela said they could stop something like air flow or
act as insulation. Maralee nodded. "Good thinking. What else?"
Sam piped up and said, "Shove it in your gas tank
and pull it out and throw it on wood before you light a fire."
"Excellent, Mr. Pyromaniac. What else?"
Everyone laughed. After the group had exhausted nylon stocking
options, Maralee twirled around in her skirt and said, "I'll keep it on,
but what can I do with all this fabric?" Next came her belt, then
earrings, shirt, bra and finally, her watch.
"You'll like this, Sam," Maralee said as she
broke her watch open, then focused sunlight through the glass lens onto a
tissue until it began to smolder. "Fire," Maralee said. "Warmth
in winter, a signal light if lost, or just plain fun if you're bored like Sam
and want to know if you can burn down the neighbor’s barn!"
Now lunch was over and Bob was droning on and on about
how to see details in everything around you. Jenn yawned. A moment later she
saw Angela's heard jerk and her eyes flew open as she woke up. Then her eyelids
sank down again. Jenn knew staying awake was going to be a lost cause. Bob
might as well let them all go back to their rooms to take a nap.
Bob suddenly stood up and said, "Follow me,
folks. Choose a partner."
Angela grabbed Jenn's arm. "You're with me, girl.
I have a feeling we're going to need to defend ourselves from some creep and I
think if we have to jump from the roof, your skirt will make a nice
parachute!"
Jenn laughed. "And your boots
will make perfect clubs if we're attacked by a pack of wild dogs after we
safely land."
Angela laughed. "I thought they were only
stylish, but now I know better. This has been more fun than I ever thought it
could be. I was terrified to come."
Jenn’s eyebrowns rose. “Terrified? As in scared?”
“My husband begged and then bribed me,” Angela whispered.
She gave hushed details as they walked in pairs down a long hallway.
"I hear you,” Jenn said. “I tried to chicken out,
but although I work around kids all day, none of them came in with runny noses or
puking for a week and I didn't catch a legitimate excuse."
Angela laughed again, then stopped abruptly when Bob
pushed open the door leading into the hotel swimming pool. "I don't
swim," she gasped.
"We're not going swimming," Jenn giggled.
"Maralee will probably demonstrate how to use a shirt or pair of pants
for…"
"Jenn, great idea," Bob boomed in the echoy
room. "Show us what you mean!"
All eyes turned on Jenn. "You've got to be
kidding, right?" she gasped.
Bob shrugged. "Not really. You've got three
seconds to get in the pool on your own or I'll have Sam, James, Tyler, Harold,
and anyone else who wants to volunteer to help me throw you in."
Jenn reached down and snatched off her low heels and
held them up. "I dare you! I'm armed and ready! I'm fresh out or training
and itching to show off my skills!"
"On three, boys," Bob said.
Astonished, three seconds later Jenn hit the water
with a splash. Her billowing skirt fanned out around her as she sank. She
struggled to the surface and paddled in circles for a minute as Bob called out.
"What about a life vest, Jenn? Don't panic, just demonstrate."
"I can't believe you guys actually did
that!" she sputtered.
Bob shrugged. "Of course not, but in real life,
what else would the bad guys do?"
"Yeah, toss me in," Jenn complained.
"But I swear I'll buy four-inch spiked heels when I get home and it won't ever
happen again!"
"Show us your life preserver, Jenn," Bob called
out.
Jenn went to work and fastened the top two buttons on
her blouse, then put her face inside the neckline and blew. Her blouse filled
with air. She blew again, then held the opening closed with one hand and leaned
back and relaxed in the water with her makeshift fabric balloon keeping her
afloat. "Am I done now, Bob?" she called out as her skirt swirled
around her knees like dead weight.
"Nope. Sam has just offered you his pants."
Sam scowled, but when a gang of women approached him,
he consented. A moment later his pants landed a few inches away and he stood
with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Do you know what to do with
those?" Bob called.
Jenn nodded and began tying the ends of the legs shut
as the group made jokes about Sam as they warned Jenn they were going to tell
her husband she played with some guy's trousers. Jenn ignored them as she
whipped the pants above her head and filled the legs with air. She held the
waist shut and rolled to her stomach and lounged with her chin on the pant
balloon.
"Good job. Now, Harold, get in there and show us
what your t-shirt can do."
Harold looked confused.
"Ask Jenn. She'll tell you," Bob said as he
nudged his victim to the edge of the pool.
Harold slid into the water and Jenn said, "Just
stick your face inside the neck and blow. It will puff out on its own. Or take
it off and tie the sleeves together and whip it over your head to fill it
instantly."
Harold did as he was told. A moment later the entire
group was in the pool, having shed shoes, wallets and phones along the side.
Angela clung to the edge in a panic as water lapped around her. Bob patiently
leaned over and told her what to do step by step. She finally reached up and
grabbed his pant pocket and in he tumbled—shoes, wallet and cell phone. In the
process, Angela escaped and grabbed a dozen towels and shivered by the exit as
she waited for the lesson to end.
"Hey, baby, we played with nylons and shoes, went
swimming, learned how to gut fish, determined edible berries and made our own
sunscreen today," Jenn said when Nick answered the phone that night.
"Gut fish?"
"Oh, yeah. It was that or eat the innards. It was
so gross I thought I'd throw up."
"No way!" Nick said.
"Oh yes—and we cooked them on a spit over our own
handmade fires, but of course, I already knew how to do some of that, having
already had personal mountain women survival lessons courtesy of an old friend."
"It sounds like you're having fun. What did I
tell you? Just admit it. I want to hear it from your own lips, babe," Nick
begged.
Jenn sighed blissfully, "You said that I'd have
so much fun I'd never want to come home!"
Nick growled, "I never said that. I said
you'd…"
"I know, I changed it though. Some of us are now
planning a survival week rendezvous. Sorry, but you're not invited. I think you
might be too skilled and would make us feel inferior."
"Yeah, right. When? Where?"
Jenn giggled. "Next week. Alaska. No, I think we
changed it to the Caribbean. At a resort, obviously. Can you send my passport
and a boatload of money?"
"No. You'll be home on Friday or I'll send out a
search and rescue squad and cancel all the cards!"
"What you don't know is that I have been trained
in diversion tactics and can allude capture, but if caught, I can successfully
escape using pantyhose."
"Where exactly are you, the funny farm?" Nick
quizzed.
Jenn sighed. "Vacation. Just on vacation. By the
way, Sam wears size thirty-six thirty-four pants. He gave me a pair and I—I
well, I blew them up."
Nick was silent. Finally he said, "You blew up
some guy's pants? What are you doing there, playing with explosives?"
"No. It's classified information, so I can't tell
you."
Nick's voice sounded devious when he said, "I'll
find out some other way then."
"We've all sworn an oath of secrecy."
Nick chuckled. "Jenn, Katie and I miss you."
"Who?" Jenn teased.
Nick laughed. "I knew you'd like it."
Jenn laughed. "It's okay, I guess. It hasn't been
too frightening or intimidating yet. I'm not sure about tomorrow though. If you
see me before Friday it's because they taught me to hide extremely well, or
move about without attracting attention so I can escape."
Nick was silent for a moment. "Are you okay,
Jenn?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. I keep working on the attitude
advice you gave me before I was incarcerated. If I'm nice and pass all the
tests they promised I'd be paroled on Friday."
Nick chuckled. "I'll pick you up, babe."
After the phone call Jenn slid into bed fully clothed,
too exhausted to change. The training was opening her eyes and mind as it
worked out her muscles. In many ways it was new and overwhelming, but in other
ways it was fun and invigorating. The diverse personalities in the group and
the upbeat attitudes of the trainers made it bearable. She knew she'd survive
two and a half more days if she stopped thinking about what she was missing at
home.
Was that how Nick survived his business trips?
End Chapter 15
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