My Novel: Chapter 22

Running:

After I broke my neck, and after I got back up on my feet again somewhat, I asked my husband to drive me to one of my favorite running trails. I desperately wanted to walk that path. For a short distance it bordered ponds edged in cattails and inhabited by red-winged blackbirds. That spring their calls and songs had filled the air as I passed them, and I missed them. I only slowly walked for about 20 minutes, but I cried as I saw and heard the birds once again. Life is really very, very good. Even during difficult times.

(I no longer need the collar.)

Writing:

The day I received my final rejection letter from a publisher my heart broke. I'd had so many changes occur in my life so quickly that I simply stopped trying to publish. (I hadn't "broken" my neck yet.) That letter felt like rejection for everything in my life that I was trying to accomplish. The following week I countered that letter and sat down at my computer and began a new novel. It took a month of unexpected stops and starts--that was what controlled my life at the time--before I finished the first draft. I edited it once and put it away. Someday I'll go back to it and begin serious revisions.

 

Despite what seems to be hardships or discouraging moments, there is always some beauty.

I've chosen to share one of my novels, Secrets at Midnight, the one I tried hardest to publish, for free with anyone and everyone interested. After all the work I put into it, it makes no sense to banish to a bottom drawer forever, I never wrote it for that purpose. But I also don't want to attempt publishing it at this time either. I hope you enjoy it even a little bit. 

I loved writing it and I'm enjoying sharing it!

~~ Leona

Secrets at Midnight

Leona Palmer Haag

Chapter 22

“Do you ever feel jinxed?” Matt asked as the SUV stuttered. The power steering momentarily died, then revived, followed by another system failure.

“Ever since Monday night. Why?”

“Let’s return to civilization so we aren’t forced to hitchhike.”

Once they were heading south again Jenn softly said, “You know, ever since we left Dallas you've been in a hurry to get to Portland. If nothing had gone wrong we'd be there by now. Flying would have been quicker and less painful, even cheaper, seeing how you've had to buy yourself a new car and you’ve nearly killed a second one.”

“It's not mine, remember?”

“Oh, that’s right—the office owns it. Yours is being deodorized. They’ll be proud of you for killing this pretty thing.”

He tried to laugh, but he’d already contemplated the lengthening list of disasters they'd encountered. A pit opened in his stomach when Jenn itemized it.

The mechanic at the Mercedes dealership couldn't find anything obviously wrong with the SUV, but he left it for further diagnosis and repairs if necessary and arranged to have a rented Jeep Liberty delivered to them. They started toward Portland again after eating Chinese takeout. He felt like a jack rabbit—making false starts and mad dashes, only to end up derailed without any lucky breaks.

They rode in silence occasionally broken by nursery rhymes and song snippets. Evening shadows stretched across the road. The Rockies sprang up on the horizon. “Do you ever get gut feelings about things?” he asked.

Jenn silently turned to stare at him, holding her tongue so long he’d decided she thought the question wasn’t worth answering. “Sometimes,” she thoughtfully said, surprising him. “Like when I'm worried about Katie.”

“What do you do?”

“Pay attention. Once I almost didn’t and Katie nearly fell out of her crib. She’d pulled herself up and I found her teetering over the side. I saved her life and lowered the mattress. It took two hours to figure out how. Nick was out of town, of course.”

“You should have called me.”

“Nothing was broken so that never occurred to me.”

He chuckled. “You can fix things?”

She smiled, maybe for the first time that day. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean you’re fired. I pick and choose what I do and what I call my personal slave to accomplish.”

“What would you have done if Katie had fallen?” He sized up the five-foot-two ninety-five pound girl beside him.

“Hated myself for not listening to that little voice that said, 'Get your butt off the sofa and check on the baby you've got because you didn't get off the sofa while you were pregnant.’”

He nodded knowingly. “Yeah, losing her after all your sacrifices to get her here would have been rough. Have you ever not listened to your gut feeling and regretted it?”

A bitter look crossed her face. “Gary.”

Curiosity flared. He'd wanted to ask for years, but never dared, and maybe now wasn’t a good time either. Against the warning voice in his head he asked, “Why did you marry him?”

“I kept thinking I shouldn't—but I did anyway because I loved him. Mom had sold the trailer and moved in with a boyfriend and I had no place to go. Shawn was in Alabama. I thought marriage was an easy answer—we’d dated for a long time. He was clean and cool. Last of all, his wow-factor swayed me—despite my gut feeling.”

It was silent for miles before he pried again. “Do you hate yourself for what happened?”

“Not anymore, but I refused to let it go until after I married Nick. Because of what Gary did and the way Gracie was born, I thought I'd never recover. All I ever wanted to be was a mother—a real one—nothing like mine. “During the hate-packed years I wanted Gary to suffer, but he was dead—an easy out. I thought I'd hate him forever. Unless I think about it too much, I’ve healed.”

“You’re incredible.”

She shook her head. “Not really. Can we not talk about this? It wreaks havoc with my psyche.”

“I’m still working on losing Rebecca and our baby,” he softly replied. His thoughts wandered back many years, sinking into agony he rarely visited. Jenn’s voice softly interrupted the dark realm. “Nick is different. I still owe you big time for introducing us.”

The long ago steamy afternoon in Alabama flashed through his mind. “I didn't intend to. Some things just happen.”

“Just say, 'You're welcome. Glad I could save you, kid.'”

He laughed. “You're welcome. I'd do it again, kid. He's a good man. You deserve the best. Except for me, you got it.”

She reached over and shoved his shoulder. “You're still a snob. Of course, Monica has you beat—the only person I know who could.”

 He thought her perception was off kilter. “Do you regret I married her?”

“Daily. You deserve better.”

He shrugged and a smile teased his lips. “You were married.”

“I’ve tried, but I don't picture your relationship with Monica the way it probably really is. She seems too independent and egotistical. I didn't know Rebecca well, only being around her a few times before she died, so I can't compare them, but I don't think your wives shared anything in common.”

“Just me,” he quietly said.

She thoughtfully nodded. “Yeah. Does it make you sick wondering where she is right now?”

He shook his head. “Not sick. Just....” He faltered and remained silent. He’d pushed her disappearance to the back of his mind, then pulled it forward more times than he could count, as if the act would bring her out of hiding. He’d hounded the office to find her, and done as much research and offered as many suggestions as he could. Still nothing.

Jenn reached over and patted his arm. “I'm truly sorry, Matt. I'll try to respect your wife more. Since I didn't let her talk me into eyelash extensions or a boob job, I may succeed. She wasn't all that hard on me, I guess.”

He chuckled. “No, but she plotted against you over her morning coffee, suspecting you were doing the same over your second and third helpings of chocolate cake.”

Jenn laughed. “Obviously she knows me very well.”

They laughed, their chuckles easing as he turned off the freeway and she asked, “Rest stop already?”

He parked on the side of the road and faced her. “Nope. Gut feeling. I want to talk to you about it. I'm having bad vibes about Portland. What about you?”

End Chapter 22

We have finished 1/3rd of the chapters. Whew! I'll be slowing down a bit and taking some time off, but I promise I'll be back soon to continue. I'm a goal-setter by nature, and to let you in on a secret, I'm planning to have it completely posted before the end of November 2013. I'd actually like to be finished before Thanksgiving, but I'm baking a turkey and some sides, so we'll see if that happens!