#3 What I Believe - Environment

What I Believe - Environment

If you cross one of the entrances leading into our condo development you’ll find a little paved path running alongside a tiny stream. Upstream the water flows from a culvert, but the path continues on. To see where the path ended we followed it one day. To our delight we discovered a pond complete with ducks, giant carp, sunfish, muskrats and toads. It’s nestled in swamp grass and cattails where redwing blackbirds and swallows flit and pheasants call. It’s a pleasant slice of heaven tucked behind four complexes of apartments, townhomes and condos. We’ve fallen in love with this private, hidden oasis. 

I believe environments matter.

I was more than a little concerned when we moved into our condo, but now I feel completely comfortable. I had envisioned endless seas of asphalt, brick, stucco and cement. How would we connect to nature when it was manicured by a crew that arrived in a truck?

At this point my post jumps past our beautiful Mother Earth and zeroes in on the personal environment of home and the effect it has on the landscape inside the heart and soul. If you read my last post, remember, it focused on thoughts. This post is an extension of how the environment intertwines with our thoughts and shapes them. I can’t separate environments and thoughts because we pour out our actions because of our thoughts, and our thoughts become visible in the environments we create.

Years ago while consulting an interior decorating book to help me with a home environment problem I stumbled upon this quote from Sir Winston Churchill that has stuck with me for more than 12 years: 

“We shape our dwellings,

and afterwards our dwellings 

shape us.” 

I hopped on the Internet and found Blenheim Palace—Churchill’s childhood home. Wow! Just the name speaks volumes! Viewing photos, by comparison, I lived in a humble hovel. I survived the stark differences and considered how I had shaped my home to that point, and the ways it was shaping me. At the moment I hated my house—every aspect of it, except…. I paused and listed the exceptions, thanks to Churchill, and that improved my outlook. Here are just three of the pluses:

*The master bedroom had a window overlooking a garden filled with trees, flowers and shrubs. It was a refreshing retreat.

*I loved the sewing room designed and built under my direction. It met all my work needs and emotional desires. 

*My husband and sons had finished off the basement paying attention to detail. We loved hosting our teens, their friends and our families there. 

More areas were on the “love it” list, but there were also 2 disliked areas, and one of them I loathed. That part had festered and oozed discontent over everything. That was sad. Hoping to change that, and picturing Churchill encouraging me, I went to work. After 18 months I announced failure. Everything we’d done helped in some way, but couldn’t solve the problem. We moved because of a kitchen? Yes. The galley kitchen was situated where we couldn’t get to most of the other areas without traipsing through the narrow bottleneck it created. 

Our environment does shape us—effecting our moods, feelings, attitudes and beliefs. As a kid I was grounded more times than I can count from not cleaning my bedroom. I was a living tornado and dedicated packrat. Sometimes I say my Grands are afflicted with Dump & Dash Syndrome. They grab a toy bin and turn it upside down, then run off to find another one to empty. Ahhh! They must have inherited the trait from my younger self, because as a kid, my space was a sea of stuff constantly piled two or three feet deep. Once, when told to clean my bedroom “or else,” I stuffed everything in the closet and earned a spanking. 

One day, around the age 13, something clicked in my brain. I entered my bedroom and saw the disaster for what it was—individual stuff in complete jumbled chaos. I cleaned up the room—putting clothing on hangers, and stuff in drawers sorted by type. I disengaged emotionally from years of collected schoolwork and tossed it out. I no longer needed kindergarten papers. I chucked out broken and childish toys, except the ones I gifted to my little sisters. I made my bed and decorated it with pillows and soft toys. I looked around in relief and loved the transformation. I’d “cleaned” my bedroom many times (stash & dash), but this time was different. It was done correctly, the right way and for the right reasons.

My life changed that day because my vision changed. I saw things—every single, individual thing—for the first time, and I became the master of my belongings and space. As an offshoot I began seeing beauty and experimented with creating it. I created order. Within days I discovered form, balance and color. These opened new opportunities in my life. They expanded my thoughts, aided my energy and opened my mind. My standards for living changed. I became free to invite friends over. We had a place to hang out and I wasn’t embarrassed about my space. Many tug-of-wars in my life with my parents ceased: to take a bath, do my laundry (I became responsible for it when I turned 12), to complete homework on time, do my household chores, be on time, stop complaining about helping, etc. All the needless fuss I’d been making over everything for years ended. Just like that. Poof! I was a different person, and it was an incredibly wonderful miracle!

We do shape our environment, and in return, we can expect it to shape us, and it will, whether we intend it to or not. Now, when my environment starts shaping me in ways I don’t appreciate, I set about adjusting it as best I can. Let me say that at times it’s not an easy thing to realize the environment—how I’ve been spending my time, energy and thought in relationship to my things, and how I’m treating my belongings and space—has  thrown me out of kilter from how I’ve assumed I’m living. That’s taking responsibility, and as a human, I’m as good as others at blaming, excusing, rationalizing and procrastinating. My first clues come when I realize I’ve been feeling grumpy, unsettled and unsatisfied—and I can’t find something like my keys or measuring cups, and that makes me more grumpy, unsettled and unsatisfied.

There you have it—the ol’ environmental atmosphere thing starts grabbing at me and shoving me into its mire. I look around and wham—something is in disarray externally that I’ve successfully ignored, and now I realize I’m battling disarray internally. When things are jumbled a little internally, I have a pretty good idea there is too much jumble going on around me externally. Fortunately, being a co-homeowner, and being emotionally, financially and logically invested in my atmosphere, I can affect it. Here is my outline for shaping up my environment:

First: I start with my attitude. It’s a mind thing. I can’t say that long enough or loud enough. Where the mind goes, the mouth and hands will follow. And if the mind isn’t going toward order, then it’s heading into disorder. Seldom does anything coast along at a zero directional rate. 

Second: I invest mentally. I focus on what is right, good and wonderful. Saying, “I love____” about aspects of my home goes a long way because love heals many and all kinds of ills! I invest in looking for ways to easily improve. I’m not into complicated fixes.

Third: I put muscle into it. I load the dishwasher or washing machine, mop, pick up, etc. I stop making excuses about putting the basics off because something else "super important" needs my time and energy more. A clean house never screams for attention and frees you up to play or work on something else unhindered physically and mentally. 

Forth: I plan, plan, and plan some more because sometimes cleaning isn’t the problem. Maybe it’s repairing or replacing, and that requires more out of me. Often I sketch what I want which kicks creativity and finding solutions up a notch and closer to the final outcome.

Fifth: When money is involved, I start saving. I was called a tightwad once and was highly offended—until I dropped the pseudonyms I’d cushioned around myself such as thrifty and frugal. I am a tightwad, and that’s why I have some of the things I have, and have done some of the things I’ve done. I’ve scrimped, saved, planned and been a complete tightwad over non-essentials. Anyway, sometimes when it comes to money I only needed a gallon of paint and new bathroom towels, not an entire bathroom redo. However, once I needed a new patio door that opened onto a giant deck. (Yes, it was a need.) It’s ridiculous to make those kinds of changes without plans, sketches, a blueprint, funds made available through tight-wadding, and getting myself over to the city offices to apply for a building permit.

Sixth: This is a kicker—I outline the desired emotional end result, not just the physical one. It’s ridiculous to spend time and sweat-labor over an environmental change if you have no clue what you want in the end. I select feelings like peace, convenience, ease and beauty. When I shoot for an internally pleasant environment and a physically pleasing environment, it’s easier to transform my external surroundings and maintain the change. 

Here are some relatively “Quick & Easy” environmental changes I’ve undertaken… and yes, I’m laughing because I’m fully aware that what might be easy for me might be a huge obstacle for someone else, but nothing I’ve done started out easy. I had to learn to paint and wallpaper, sand and stain, rip out and rebuild, etc. 

Repair & fix: When a few boards in the back of our leather sofa broke we opened up the bottom and glued, screwed and clamped new wood inside. This was easier on our savings account and mental budget than replacing it. Some things need to meet the dumpster, so have the courage to introduce them to it, but other things just need TLC and duct tape (fixing). 

Surface and deep clean: You don’t need to go fanatical hypo-germaphobic, but it’s amazing what you see when you kiss goodbye to messes, disorder, and the out-grown and no longer needed items in your home. Say hello to your mop and rag and what lies underneath the clutter and grime. Watch hoarding shows on TV if you need cleaning motivation!

Aroma therapy: While house hunting I walked through a couple ultra-stinky homes. Despite knowing they had potential, I couldn’t overlook their disgusting smells. What if I worked my tail off and couldn’t get the odors out of the carpet and wood floors? I couldn’t risk that financial disaster. I’ve been known to bake bread just for aroma therapy. So, haul the trash out, toss sour dishrags in the wash and scrub the floors behind the toilets.

Other: There is so much more than the above. Consider ambient lighting—lamps, curtains, candles. Look at your furnishing—sofa, chairs, bed, pictures and how your rooms are arranged. Move stuff around if needed. Pay attention to colors and patterns and how they affect you. Dare to remove the wall hanging you hate and leave the wall bare until you find something you love. Observe the traffic flow in your home—switch it up if it’s not accommodating your lifestyle. Invite in fresh air—open windows and transform outdoor space into a relaxing place so you can breath fresh air. Include your own personality and that of other family members.—don’t just decorate, but welcome a taste of what all of you love. Organize—get rid of stuff you never use (but might someday), and put what you use most often in the easiest places to reach. That sounds like a no brainer, but me—a sworn organizer—still messes that up sometimes. Consider touch—pillows, flooring, sticky messes. I couldn’t tear out tile in one of my houses, so I bought lots of area rugs. My daughter says our condo carpet is “crunchy,” but right now I can’t afford to change the stiff synthetic fibers meant for tough wear in a rental unit—which our condo used to be. Browse the Internet and books for ways to improve your space. Copy those ideas and organize, clean or do what you can to meet your particular needs. Before we put our house on the market I read at least 10 articles about staging my home. Many of them taught me how to live in a “staged” home where beauty and livability are married. Yes, that and many other lifestyle changes can be done!

There are other environmental factors that impact us, such as unity in the family, noise and sound “pollution,” the general condition of belongings, clutter control, and time management that keeps important things from being left undone. There are also things beyond our control—like a bird nesting under one of my daughter-in-law’s car, and being tender-hearted, she waited until all the eggs hatched before she drove it. This temporarily impacted many of her daily activities, but highlighted love, patience and respect for life to her kids.

For better or worse, “We shape our dwellings, and afterwards our dwellings shape us.” 

How we live in our surroundings influences all areas of our lives. It has a ripple effect. I had a job once where I worked in a cubicle. Each day when I arrived I chose my seat, knowing that shortly before someone else may have sat there. This meant we couldn’t leave anything permanent behind when we left work each day. I quickly decided to bring thumbtacks and hang up beautiful calendar pictures and inspirational quotes before I started my shift. My cubicle “windows” looked out over lighthouses, seascapes and forests, and the scenes changed with the season. I also watched my family laugh in photos, and I read snippets about success and happiness. I thrived at that job, and you can guess why! I shaped my environment, fully expecting it to shape me, and I chose in advance the conditions I wanted internally and externally. 

Our environments influence our interactions with others, and their interactions with us. It impacts how we fill our varied responsibilities. We can influence it in ways that will assist us in reaching our capabilities better. Our relationship with our belongings—those lifeless things around us—becomes beneficial when they are purposeful. Okay, pause and think about that if you haven’t caught onto that concept yet.

I knew all this before I found Churchill’s quote, but wow! Our environments—the ones we create—are powerful! 

After a little upsets over my new home under construction I took a little “hike.” I listened to bird song and a babbling stream. I gazed at snow-capped mountains and cloud-studded skies. My heart revived in God’s environment. I returned home with a redefined perspective. A house is just a house, after all, and the little glitches will make no difference in the long run. Definitely they won’t undermine my internal peace because that is solely within my control. Once I move in I’ll arrange and rearrange the décor, continually adjusting things a little (or a lot) to invite harmony into our surroundings, knowing that feeling will impact all aspects of our lives, and it’s the one I prefer. My internal and external environments will circle around and around, keeping each other in balance.

*NOTE: I can’t believe I never mentioned chocolate and the role it plays in perfecting an environment. Oh well. Consider it a necessary part of my mine—always hidden, yet easy to tap into. 

**2^nd Note: My goodness this was long! Consider yourself super dedicated if you made it to the end. Also, please understand that I’m fully aware that I didn’t touch on many things that I believe about creating a personal environment that I think are important. I had to stop somewhere!

Enjoy critiquing and tweaking your environment, but please don’t attempt an environmental overhaul in one afternoon, or one week—that’s not healthy planning! Instead, enjoy the process, because joy is one of the outcomes you’re seeking.

#2 What I Believe—Building Thoughts

#2 What I Believe—Building Thoughts
 

I have a pretty concrete idea of where my emotions could take me in the whirlwinds and storms currently assaulting me. I know I could easily be blown off course if I don’t choose my outcome carefully, sometimes moment by moment.

Oh, I need a serious pep talk, and there isn’t anyone around to give a satisfactory one, so here comes a personal one created by Yours Truly. You can eavesdrop if you want.

“Do not throw up! It’s not an option. Choose another reaction. No, you can’t yell, either, so stop considering it. Breath deep. Relax. This is not the end of the world.”

There it is. I’ve repeated this, and many variations, thousands of times in the past few months. So far I’ve listened to myself and life is good. As far as the future goes, I’ll keep self pep-talking and listening. I know my destination, and I know how I want to journey. 

We’ve sold our house and moved everything we own into a tiny condo or one of two hulking storage units. If I want something specific that’s not in the condo, I’m out of luck. I can’t climb over a ten-foot wall of stuff to retrieve anything. (I’ve tried—it’s impossible.) But there is light at the end of the storage unit tunnel: After a lot of searching for a “perfect” home, we’ve decided to build one. (Yes, I’m laughing at the word perfect.) 

To say our lives are sometimes in an uproar now is an understatement. To say we can chart our course through all of this is completely true, but only if I pep-talk myself more than usual. I expect to do just that, and I expect to keep it up until I’m handed the key to my new home.

Changing directions sounds fun at times—and so does building. Having built a home from scratch before, I know it has fun parts, but I also know there are nightmare elements. Despite the subs, mistakes and delays, I’m in control of whether the nightmare image overwhelms the dream-come-true image, or visa-versa. I don’t swear, but there are times, and building is one of those prime times, when I’m sorely tempted to start. Sorry—no details. I don’t want to read about any of it ten years later. I’m dealing with each incident as it comes along. I’m settling them and moving past them. Rehashing isn’t going to trip up my future. Besides, in five or six weeks I’ll be handed the golden key (probably brass) to my new haven of happiness (*cue angels singing). I’ll shut the door on every sub and gaze at the interior of my home and do a happy dance over everything perfect, and I’ll vow to be happy with every corner that doesn’t line up—meaning every messed up detail. I promise I will, so I will. I know I can because I’ve done it in the past with two spec homes, one custom home, two barely lived in homes, and one richly used condo.

Details of building a home is something you can’t complain about to most family or friends because they know you chose to build. They give you a look of, “Huh? You asked for this, remember? You wanted it and jumped into it with both feet, so why the fuss?” Also, many don’t understand the gut-aching ordeal of having most of the details of your life churning away together in one mass mixer, and you’re unsure if the mixer will ever stop. On the line are your finances, address, dreams, emotions, expenses, unexpected up-charges and fees—even the paint color is in there spinning away as you wonder if you’ve chosen the right hue! Yikes, this whole batch of mixing everything up better produce some mighty appealing and tasty cookies, or I might actually lose my cookies!

Anyway…

Building a home is grabbing a dream, then watching it unfold as everyone does their part—some well, some not as well, and some worse than you can imagine. One evening we were walking through our home when the appraiser stopped by. No big deal, right? My stomach churned as I considered whether what I’m paying is more than the house will appraise for. Can you imagine that? I had to tell myself to not throw up—again. Not now, at least. Maybe if the appraisal comes in low, but not now.

I believe thoughts chart directions in our lives. They are the power behind our actions. They spur us on, halt us, change our direction, calm us down, rile us up, give us hope, rob us of hope, allow our successes to be real and enjoyed, or deprive us of our achievements. Thoughts rule our lives like kings or queens with scepters that we handed to them when we grant them power.

In my posts I won’t be sharing What I Believe in any particular order, saying this belief is number one above all of my other beliefs, but if I were to choose the top five, how I feel about the power of thoughts would be in that select group at the pinnacle or beliefs. 

Thoughts are extremely powerful.

Thoughts are impressions and words in the mind and heart, and they carry an extremely potent amount of power because they’re packed with emotions, attitudes and beliefs. They combine what we've taken into us from our past, and how we perceive our future.

Because the mind and heart contain a vast amount of our identity, what is in them defines who we are. Our skin only holds our mind and heart in place. Sure, we use our skin (by this I mean aspects of our body—our outer appearance or looks, condition, health, body language, dress, mannerisms, speech, etc.) as a huge part of our identity, but that outer part is a reflection of, and chiefly influenced by, our inner soul—our heart and mind, or in other words, our thoughts, feelings, emotions and beliefs—that constant flow of thoughts and where they come from and how they were and are continually formed and altered. 

We are in control of who we are inside. Whether we enjoy things or complain, we accept or reject, we rise or fall emotionally, mentally and spiritually, we are in control. Sure, we're subject to a huge amount of outer conditions that we can't avoid or bring about at will, but we choose how we deal with what we experience: the problems and mishaps we face, and whether we do so logically and sanely, or if we lose it and throw up, yell, threaten, etc. We choose how we react to positive events, as well.

That is the kind of pep-talk I give myself daily over something—I choose. All of my pep-talks don’t center on a house made of sticks, but they cover all the events of my life—the good ones and the mishaps and problems, the successes, joys, delays, detours—everything.

Yes, everything gets talked to and about in the mind. I do it, and you do it.

I’m a perfect thought builder. Everyone is. Sometimes positively, and sometimes not in the best ways. Too often I’m a lazy thought builder and don’t put in the effort to guide my course the way I really want, even though I know I can. 

All of us are building something in our thoughts. Something significant. We’re building who we are inside and out—we’re building the house of who we are. 

Thoughts matter. What and how we build ourselves matters.

Happy thought building!

*NOTE: Photos are of my house under construction at the time of this post. Isn’t that fitting? None of us are a finished “house” yet. That’s hopeful. It means we can change the whole floor plan if we want. With some well-placed thoughts we can knock a wall down. Another thought prompts us to grab a ladder and climb up to raise the roof and add a new floor. Additional thinking will enlarge or shrink a space as we desire. A new thought pattern can inspire us to put in a window and invite in a refreshing view. You get the idea! Oh, how fun and rewarding thinking can be! Grab your wrecking ball thoughts and eliminate an eyesore, or grab a thought paintbrush to spruce things up! You design, I design, and we both are constantly building! No matter what we do, the end product will be exactly what we think about.

Happy building!

#1 What I Believe—About Onions

#1 What I Believe—About Onions

One afternoon I wore my son’s swimming goggles when I chopped onions. For the first time ever I shed no tears as I bottled a giant batch of salsa. Not long afterward, when I only needed one onion for dinner, my eyes watered the moment my knife cut through the papery outer layer covering an onion. Among the thousands of onions I’ve sliced, diced, minced, shredded and chopped, this onion became one I’ll never forget—because for weeks I’d had a specific question on my mind, and at that moment I was thinking about how I’d recently discovered some answers.

 

The topic that had troubled me had continually begged for resolution. Eventually, after tons of thought and effort a piece of the puzzle popped into my mind like a new layer, and that little spark of enlightenment propelled my research forward in a new direction. The new focus quickly led to answers that neatly fell like pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters tumbling through a sorting machine. Everything landed in their perfect place! The problem was solved and my mind rested with relief. 

As I peeled off the papery brown skin covering the onion and tossed it aside I was thinking about the simplicity of the answers coming after the many hours of thought, effort and study. Like a bolt of lightning it hit me: 

Life is like an onion. 

There are layers and layers and more layers lying above the sweet inner core of an onion, and layers and more layers of understanding and experience before we really know anything in life. There are layers of work, layers of learning, layers of ah-ah! moments, layers of experiences, and layers of understanding. Some layers are basically useless and could be tossed aside like the outer onion layers. Those are the ones where we “just put in our time” or we “barely get by” because our heart or thoughts aren't into going anywhere strong enough to get us moving. During these layers we aren’t really traveling in a positive direction and we aren't gaining anything —except learning through experience how not to live, which of course, is another layer.

Unlike onions, life’s layers never end. We might think we’ve reached the sweet, tender heart, but then we have another experience come along that adds a greater layer of meaning, whether it was a good experience or a tough one. Sometimes we welcome the new layer, but sometimes it rocks our boat or completely capsizes our life—or at least for a while. And then sometimes we think we’re there—at the perfect core—the heart—the place where we think we know it all, have it all, understand it all, have experienced it all, and there’s nothing new we could possibly learn about a certain topic (or many of them). It's as if we say, "No more layers. Period. I've already arrived." That’s a layer where the heart, mind and soul close off, snapping tightly shut, and we refuse to receive more layers. That’s a very unpleasant layer to get stuck on, and it’s unpleasant when we encounter others stuck on that layer—and it doesn’t matter whether that layer is closer to the core or nearer to the outer skin. Put plainly, it’s not a good layer. 

Since life is like an onion, it’s best to realize that no matter what amount of insight, understanding, knowledge or experience we think we have—and we all have some amount in many areas—there is always more, and as sure as the sun will rise and set, we can be assured more experiences will come along carrying a basket full of unknown layers to offer us. We can row with the current, against it, or pull our boat out of the stream for a while, but we can never be 100% right, 100% knowledgeable, or 100% perfect in any topic. There is always another layer. Always!

Additional layers lying hidden and undiscovered is a comforting thing, really. It means we are not stagnant beings. We can learn more, do better, achieve goals, alter our positions, change perspectives, change our beliefs and shape our lives. We are the sculptures carving our own statues, the painters painting our own portraits, the writers writing our own history. And if we’ve messing up and our canvas and marble and manuscripts look messy, we can tweak, whittle, scour, scrub, delete and redo.

Wow! If we can chart and change our course in life, others can too, therefore it’s easy to believe in ourselves and other. None of our carvings, portraits or stories are finished. There are many more layers to discover, and that is exciting!

*NOTE: I love the above picture of an onion. This half sat in my fridge until it sprouted. Just think what might happen if the sprouts were planted and grew! Life really is like an onion. Not only are there layers upon layers in every given topic and experience, but there are possibilities to discover entirely new onions! This reminds me of one of my favorite Disney songs, Colors Of The Wind, sung by Pocahontas: “You’ll learn things you never knew you never knew.”

*NOTE #2: I’m assuming when I say we’re our own sculptor, painter and author, you understand that I’m referring to being responsible for what we individually think, say and do, rather than being in control of the external world happening to and around us. We all know we’re not in charge of every experience and challenge we face, but only in how we meet them in our minds, speech and deeds. Yep, you guessed it, I’ll share more about this in another What I Believe. In the meantime:

Enjoy your onions,

 and take your life to a new layer!