#4 Homeward Bound - Flow

Homeward Bound - Flow

Having lived in a home my whole life, except for three and a half months in a shrinking trailer (they do that over time), I pretty much know everything about homes and loving them. Well, about loving them, that’s for sure!

As I’ve tried, succeeded, made mistakes and attempted again, while creating my own homes, I’ve discovered creating a home that feeds the soul is not only wonderful, but also vital. Sometimes we wish we had a magic wand to accomplish it, but some of the best creations take patience, effort and time.

Up to date and personal background for today’s post:

We sold our tiny little home and headed out of town in June 2015—just a few weeks ago—and became entirely, 100% homeless for the first time ever. A couple days later we joined my son, daughter-in-law and their happy, energetic children in one of the most majestic places on earth—Yellowstone. The next few days were pure heaven, except for it being hotter than Hades.

Have you noticed how brief heaven on earth lasts?

All too soon we returned to regular life and traded our hotel room in West Yellowstone for one next to the freeway entrance leading toward daily reality. For the next few days we bummed meals from our kids and borrowed their washer and dryer. Fortunately, that lifestyle ended and we moved into our cute little “Hobbit Hole.”

Welcome to life halfway below dirt level! I think as we spray for spiders—again—for the sixth time.

No matter where we are or what is happening to us or around us, life goes on.

Rather than share my current home woes today, I want to open your eyes to flow—a home’s flow. It is one of the basic foundations or keys to creating a pleasant home.

FLOW /flo/ verb a steady, continuous stream or movement

This has got to be the most boring aspect of creating a home, right? Nope, it’s one of the most important and sometimes overlooked elements, thus making it anything but boring. Stick with me as I convince you flow is an integral part of your home’s foundation—one you don’t want to overlook, neglect or try to sneak past in your hurry to choose colors or buy an awesome rug for the dining room.

Just like feelings and function, the flow of your home matters.

First, I’m going to tattle, and it might get me in serious trouble. But it’s a risk I’m going to take.

One morning I stepped into—actually, I attempted to step into my daughter’s condo. Technically, I stepped onto something. Scared of landing in the hospital emergency room, I flicked on a light. I was standing like a solitary island in a sea of destruction. I’m a calm person. Otherwise, I would have awoken the household, the family upstairs, and neighbors within a mile radius. Maybe even the dead.

I shoved aside things to venture inside enough to shut the door. This was my job environment that morning, and it wasn’t a pleasant one. If you know anything about me you’ll know I’m not exaggerating when I say I wanted to flee. To cry. To scream. To scold. To put the fires of heck into my daughter. I also wanted to help, love, and nurture.

Question: How does your house flow?

Fortunately, I recovered and repaired some of the neglect, carelessness and total disregard that took place after I’d left 17 hours before. I didn’t alienate anyone. I didn’t quit my “job.” I didn’t write anyone out of the will. I didn’t light a match and toss it into the mess. I didn’t cry myself senseless.

What I did do, however, was dish out a lecture never to be forgotten (I hope). And then I began scheming up this blog series because I can’t be the only person who treasures home, and she can’t be the only person who hasn’t yet caught onto some of the key elements and requirements of how to create a home that is both beautiful and nourishes the soul.

If you’re here for the first time and you're hoping for insight and help for your home and your life, and you desperately need it, or moderately need it, or you’re just curious about other’s homes and lives, you are welcome here. Welcome home, in fact! I’m writing on purpose and for a purpose. As I stated in a previous post, I want to:

·       Give you a boost to create a home you love
·       Help you feel more confident about your choices
·       Help you make fewer mistakes as you create
·       And help you live a richer, happier life

Also, I want to keep you from ever receiving a lecture to never be forgotten from anyone—not your mother, mother-in-law, neighbor, friend, nosy whoever, landlord, husband, wife, child, sister, step-something, in-law-something, soon to be defriended person, etc.

Not only do I want to help prevent you from sinking into heck, but also help you live closer to what you—you personally—would define as perfection, happiness, or contentment.

Life is too precious to live it in an unhappy, unpleasant place—physically, emotionally, or in any other way. There is absolutely no need to suffer in chaos or clutter, or to exist without defining how you really want to live, and letting life just happen to you. It doesn’t matter what has happened in your past—to your marriage, your family, your job, your body, your confidence, your income, or anything else. You can live happy!

My daughter is currently enrolled in her mother’s private, personal and intense Homeward Bound class. She’s been a belligerent student at times, and willing to test concepts and techniques at other times. If you think pulling teeth is hard, take it from me, a mother teaching a grown child is dental school at its worst! (For mom and daughter, both.) I don’t numb the gums and then inject novocain! Tough love, here. But we’re experiencing a measure of success, so far.

Sorry about the honesty. 
And also, you’re welcome.

When it came to the lesson (lecture?) on flow, my daughter rolled her eyes. Literally. “What on earth has flow got to do with happiness and homes?” her lips didn’t whisper, but her eyes demanded.

My reply: “Try making spaghetti for dinner without flow.” I led her though a scenario I’m sure she’d experienced already: She pulls a big pot from the cupboard to fill with water, but the sink is overflowing with dirty dishes. No problem, just toss them in the dishwasher, right? But the dishwasher if packed with clean dishes. No problem, just unload them, right? But the kids are whining about dinner. No problem, just haul them out the door for fast food, right?

You can see the ship is sinking, I hope. The evening is spent in the Playland and everyone returns home exhausted. Off to bed the kiddos skip after hugs and kisses, but not until after tossing around more pillows, books, toys, shoes, blankets and they dump the crayon box. (Imagine your own assorted mixture.)

That’s still not a huge problem, right? Everything can be scooped up and returned to its proper place in minutes, right? But rather than do that, you glance at the clock. Yikes! You have to get up for work in six hours? You set your alarm and crawl into bed.

Before you know it Mom unlocks the door and steps inside to play Granny Nanny, and a demon in denim emerges from within her usually calm demeanor. Huge problem, right? (Only if you’re caught and you don’t want to learn how to smooth out bumps in your home and your life, right?)

FLOW

Flow involves every part of home life and every part of personal life in general. The third corner of a home’s foundation is Flow. 

Let me show you how.

Flow includes:

·       Traffic flow—how you walk and move through your home, as well as entering and exiting it.

·       Communication flow—includes the ability to communicate within your home. To listen and understand, and be heard and understood among physical noises such as appliances, TV, and activities, as well as distractions, many of which have nothing to do with sound.

·       Money flow—affects repairs, updates, replacing items and keeping the home functioning. It also cares for the people who reside in the home.

·       Activity flow—such as preparing meals, having spaces for hobbies, homework, putting on makeup, watching TV, etc.

Water flow—consider laundry, personal hygiene, cleaning, watering the lawn, scrubbing out stains, etc.

·       Electrical flow—keeps major home appliances operating, as well as allows for small appliances, lighting, computers, TV’s etc.

·       Light flow—this is more than electrical lighting, but includes natural lighting, ambient lighting, how the blinds and curtains are used, security lighting, nightlights, etc.

·       Air flow—through heating and ventilation systems, windows, exhaust fans, keeping winter drafts out, attic vents, etc.

·       Emotional flow—think about the harmony, unity, peace and other emotional aspects of those in the home. This includes conversation, individuals being important and needed, being effective in your responsibilities, giving and receiving moral support, etc.

·       Flow of spaces—describes how the spaces transition from room to room, from public to private, from open to enclosed, etc.

·       Flow of materials & elements—describes the transitions of flooring, wall colors, furnishings, decorating schemes, style, etc.

·       Flow of work—includes having work areas that function for their purposes. For example, the best kitchen design is triangular so the flow of fridge, sink and range is convenient with workspace in between

·       Flow of feelings—indicates the flow of positive family life within the home. This is where aspects of family life can be lived, solutions to problems can be found, growth and bonding take place, and safety can be expected.

Do you understand the importance of flow better? It encompasses every aspect of living!

Above:

A little stream with a water gate controls the depth of this duck pond. Trickling from the opposite end is a tiny stream regulated by another gate. The stream is home to skittish crawdads and darting minnows. The pre-determined flow allows for abundant wildlife and adventures.

I didn’t mention every aspect of flow. If I got technical I could include the minimum suggested space between furniture pieces, chore charts, time management, schedules, the flow of ideas and creativity, the flow of spirituality, flow of responsibilities, etc.

Our whole lives constantly involve some kind of flow.

A few examples of poorly managed flow:

• ·       Papers collecting on a countertop and hampering meal preparation.
• ·       Trash overflowing so additional items stack up or tumble to the floor.
• ·       Clutter that makes a room (or a portion of one) no longer accessible.
• ·       Running late because you’ve misjudged the needed flow of time to prepare.
• ·       Frustration over lost or misplaced items when needed.

A dammed or messy flow causes irritation, frustration and loss of peace.

As a kid we sometimes found a trickle of water running down the gutter from someone up the street over-watering their lawn. We’d rush to gather rocks and twigs to build a dam. We’d laugh as the dam collapsed after the water behind it piled up. The leaves we’d floated in our kid-made lake raced away with us chasing after them laughing.

A dam breaking in home life isn’t as fun.

I lived in my parent’s home until I married. I had managed my own bedroom and had chores around the house, but I hadn’t experienced being responsible for an entire apartment or home. My husband didn’t arrive with a perfect flow chart in hand either. Needless to say, we’ve experienced weak flow, dams and clogs.

A common event at first were damming dishes. Yikes! We wanted to be honeymooners, not dishwashers. Besides dams, we discovered detours, like the laundry arriving fresh from the laundromat and sometimes instead of putting it away, it ended up on the bed, then detoured to the dresser top, then was diverted to another spot. Crazy!

There are a lot of potential detours and dams in most homes. Mail and bills pile up. We stumble over abandoned shoes and socks. The hamper overflows. The bathroom floor collects towels. Horizontal surfaces become swamped with miscellaneous stuff. Food hides in the back of the fridge until it liquefies. Everyone has observed a home where a dam is forming on the front porch or driveway with broken furniture or appliances.

What this post is NOT about: Picking up after yourself; not procrastinating; and not finishing what you start.

Today’s post IS about: Opening your eyes. That’s all. (And a tiny challenge at the end.)

And it’s about: beginning to notice the dams in your life, the closed flood gates, the detours and the interruptions—the forming duck pond that you didn’t make on purpose.

Did I mention that in late fall the intriguing little duck pond surrounded by cattails that's home to swallows and blackbirds turns stagnant and begins to stink?

Once you notice the flow in your home you can observe the effect of the dams you're creating or allowing over time. You'' witness the stagnation, the decay, and whether your home life begins to seem less than sweet.

View the flow in your home like a freshwater stream. If furniture is clogging your space, or scattered shoes, or books, dishes, trash, dirty clothes, clean clothes, papers, hair care items, etc., then the space reduces to an inefficient trickle. Whatever is clogging the flow in the home becomes a messy dam, that, like my little gutter dam, will eventually burst. And like us kids raced around in play, you’ll find yourself racing around, but not in play.

Usually dam breakage is accompanied by tears, frustration, anger, placing blame, feeling defeated, etc. But sometimes the flood produces resolve. That’s where this post comes in. To avoid the heartache of broken dams we need to ask ourselves questions and give honest answers:

• Do I want to use the countertop for baking cookies or to store papers I don’t want to sort and deal with now?
• Is turning this room into an unintentional “storage unit” one thing at a time how I really want to use it?
• Do I love functioning in a bathroom where dirty clothes and wet towels act as rugs?
• Are the passageways in my house growing more and more narrow and hazardous due to toys, shoes and other things?

As you look around your home there are specific questions you can ask about each room and area, closet, porch, garage, etc. I had a friend whose house looked nice and clean, but taking just one step beyond the front greeting room was shocking. Is that how you want to live your life?

When I introduced flow to my daughter she laughed at me (behind her rolling eyes, of course). Silly mother, no one talks about flow when they create a home!

Silly daughter, but we do! I do. Designers do. Architects do. Decorators do. The heating and cooling company does. The plumber depends on it. The window blind and curtain industry does! And really, she does too. At the moment she had a little fan in her bedroom to move the air better. She had talked about the air flow, but hadn’t connected its importance to creating a home she’d love. She had hung that element of flow on a hook in the complaint department for someone else to resolve.

Ok, enough on flow. Now it’s homework time!

Look around and begin noticing what you’re doing right, and where you can improve the flow in your home and life. Give yourself credit and praise for your successes.

Right (above paragraph) is defined by: what is working, makes you happy. 

Improve (above paragraph) is defined by: what is not working, or is bugging you, causes contention, creates frustration or produces any negative feeling.

I’m excited to share ideas with you. But I do have a caution and concern—and here it is: If you want an easy answer, I’ve got it, and so do many other people. Just google flow inside a home from different angles such as traffic, air, family, color, space, schedules, etc., and you’ll discover the value of flow is monumental. Some industries bank on it. Literally!

Before my next post take time to review the three foundations and notice how you feel about them, use them, and want to improve them. 

·       FEELINGS: Settle on your top three feeling words.

·       FUNCTION: Observe the 3 functions of your space and what can easily be tweaked to improve them.

·       FLOW: Notice flow and where it is working and where it has been dammed or detoured. Consider how you can improve. 

In the next few posts we’ll move toward creating a home you love living your life in, and that's the fund and rewarding part.