#2 Homeward Bound - Feelings

HOMEWARD BOUND - Feelings

(#2 in the Homeward  Bound Series)

Hi!

Welcome back to Homeward Bound!

Shortly after my husband I married in the mid-1970’s I found a job with an upholstery company as the seamstress. I sat at a sewing machine eight hours a day and played with beautiful fabric. Woo-hoo! It was fun and I loved it! Little did I know my home furnishings career, decorating tastes, lifestyle, and future were being maneuvered down a wonderful path. I've never looked back with regret.

Do you remember the 70’s? 

It’s an era everyone loves to forget, and because some of you were still dancing around in heaven as little angels, may I urge you to not join any movement that attempts to revive it? That was when I created my first few homes complete with avocado green, harvest gold, rough wood and cheap second-hand finds. I wish I had photos to share, but way back then you paid to have every photo developed and printed—thus, we took few pictures. Oh well.

Today we’ll focus on what in my opinion matters most as we create our homes, and it has very little to do with which styles or colors you prefer or what is currently in fashion.

 Feelings rule. Not your paint color. Not whether you install carpet or tile flooring. And not whether you hang white blinds or dark wood at your windows.

Can I say that louder and clearer? 

Feelings Matter!

How you want your home to feel trumps how you want your home to look. I know that doesn’t make obvious sense. We’ve all walked into furniture showrooms, browsed Pinterest, flipped through magazines or visited in a home and discovered looks we love. We “oh!” and “ah” over what we see and we begin dreaming. 

In reality, we live in what we see—we touch it, clean it, move it, restore it, repair it, replace it, and throw it away—but what we feel and how we live our lives because of what we feel is far more lasting and far more important than what we see or what we own. Our lives are more than style, fashions, trends, fads and current color schemes.

What we feel is an outgrowth of what we see, so what we see is very important, but feelings can also determine what we see because feelings affect the choices me make concerning what we bring into our home or exclude from it. Now, does that make better sense?

Feelings influence decisions. 

Our decisions--our choices--determine what we see, own and how we surround ourselves in our home.

As far as our homes are concerned, our decisions determine what we see, therefore, our feelings determine what we see in our home environment. What we see comes back and affects our feelings. That sounds like a never ending circle, but actually, it isn’t always that way. We have the power to interrupt the circle at anytime we want because we choose what we feel at any given moment, therefore giving us the power to choose what we see. 

No one forces our feelings on us—we personally choose them. On the other hand, we may be forced to live with Aunt Mildred’s old hand-me-down sofa which we see every time we enter the living room. Until we replace it our choice might be to use it rather than sit on the floor. (Yes, that can make us want to cry sometimes.)

We are emotional creatures living in a physical world. My two little Grands pictured above discovered what it felt like to thaw out after playing in the snow one evening. Their bodies dictated tears and they expressed themselves well. We all respond to many external and internal cues. We love, dislike, enjoy, hate, delight, fear, feel sadness, and much more—and all are emotion-based. Just like we’ll remain in this physical realm and be affected by it until we die, we’ll also live with our senses, emotions, moods, inner desires, attitudes, beliefs and feelings and be affected by them until we die. Therefore, we need to choose carefully!

Warming up five minutes after coming inside--entering a warmer and pleasant physical atmosphere--made a world of difference on these two little Grands, which eases us into the big questions: 

• What atmosphere are we planning on creating in our homes? 
• What feelings already reign in our homes? 
• Does what we’ve already created feed and fuel our souls in positive ways?

Pause. Think about that and catch your breath!

I’m not going to tell you to toss out something you hate because it’s not enhancing a feeling you want in your home. I’m not advising you to head to the nearest furniture store to invest in a whole new atmosphere. Don’t click over to Overstock.com or another online site to order a change of how your home feels. (Maybe you can do it later, but not today. Got that?)

Today is the right time to examine your feelings. Welcome them. Feel them. Seek joy in them.

If I were to ask you about your current decorating style—what is in your home, not what you’d like in your dream home, but what is actually sheltered under your roof right now—I’m sure I’d hear descriptions like modern, mid-century, craftsman, traditional, eclectic, undetermined, hodge-podge, and more. Some of you would stammer as you attempted to corral all your current belongings into one succinct word. You might say for wedding gifts your in-laws gave you the bedroom set, your parents gifted the dining room set, and Aunt Mildred’s old hand-me-down sofa still occupies the living room, no matter how much you detest it. The rest was gathered here and there, including stuff from your husband’s first apartment. Bleh! 

Getting past the gifting, second-hand finds, the first choices of a newly formed couple, the decisions and mistakes of an unguided beginner, being broke or on a limited budget, or knowing you’ll graduate soon and don’t want to take it with you when you move, takes time, but you will eventually move beyond it. It also takes patience. So, if that’s where you are now, or even further along in creating a home you love, hang in there and move forward as you’re able.

In the meantime, for whatever reason you have for what you have, focus on feelings instead of style or color or becoming discouraged. Improve what you have with what you have, and prepare to move forward another step.

Step one: you guessed it—know what you feel now, and what you want to feel most often in your home.

As you begin to truly decorate and create your own style (and really, what is style? It's your personal preference!), continue to focus on how you want your home to feel to everyone who lives there, not just to yourself.

I’m not a pro. I’m not a designer or decorator. I don’t have a degree in art, decorating, design or psychology. But I have designed furniture professionally and I’ve set up and maintained sales displays. I’ve written and overseen furniture and home goods copy and been in furniture production and sales most of my married life. I’ve assisted buyers and advised designers. During this time I’ve read hundreds of magazine articles, books, personal and professional blogs, and talked to decorators, designers and others in the industry. I’ve been hands-on in production, advised and received advice, and taken many classes. I’m still not a pro, but I’m not a novice either.

With that background, I hope to share with you a tiny portion of what I’ve learned over the years in order to…

•  Give you a boost to create a home you love

• Help you feel more confident about your choices
• Help you make fewer mistakes as you create
• And help you live a richer, happier life

Wow, that’s offering a lot! 

I’ve found most designers and decorators focus on one or two themes. Although some might not state it, most (but sadly, not all) have a purpose beyond making a sale. They want you to love what they create for you, and love it enough that your life is richer and fuller. A good designer-decorator will take the time to get to know you well enough to be able to find and create a style you love, rather than find a style for you.

But, what do you love?

Before you do one thing to your home—paint, change the carpet, buy a new lamp or anything else—take a moment, or let’s be honest here, take a week or two or longer, to figure out what you love. There is no need to try moving forward without first knowing what you really want deep inside your heart.

How do you do that? Compile a love list, which is actually a feeling list.

Focus on what you want to love about your home. Using single words, list how you’d love your home to feel. Remember, this is all about feelings, not about things like color or style, although they can be included. (Add a side list of things you’d hate in your home, because that too is very revealing.)

My top love word, feeling word, is comfortable.

It’s such a powerful word that it stops me from buying a bolt of delicate silk fabric to transform into curtains because they would change how I want my home to feel, making it feel fragile. Or from choosing a glass-top table for the dining room because even the thought of breaking glass makes me nervous, which is extremely opposite from feeling comfortable. 

To me, comfortable includes how something looks, feels, and functions, among other things.

List 20 – 30 feeling words. Go ahead and write down everything you can think of. Write 40 or 50 words if you need to, then circle those most important to you.

My original feeling list included words like cozy, pretty, soft, happy, airy, pleasant, peaceful, touchable, serene, calm, durable, safe, stylish, family-oriented, clean, odor-free, warm, inviting, relaxed, casual, traditional, in-budget, etc. 

My dislike list was revealing. It included words like cluttered, smelly, harsh, clashing, awkward, tight, small, hard, ultra-modern, worn out, disjointed, ugly, stark, and more.

What is on your love list?

You might want to explore the 5 physical senses as you write a list of love feelings you want in your home: Sight. Touch. Smell. Taste. Sound. And # 6 would be emotions, feelings, or a spiritual sense.

What priority do these senses have in your life right now? If you really think about them and how you respond to each of them, and let’s be honest, we love them all, you’ll find you might gravitate toward one or two more than the the others. 

A third area to consider as you create your list is how you currently live. Remember, no one is stagnant in life, and your circumstances will continually revolve and change, so consider your life now as well as future plans and probabilities.What are your hobbies and interests? List your talents, skills, personality traits, how you spend your time, and your desires. All of these affect feelings in a home as well as how the home looks, functions and flows.

I guarantee my home is affected by my personality, and yours is too.

If you’re struggling to determine what you like most, who you are deep inside, or what you want or need, I urge you to take time to get to know yourself a little better. A good place to begin is to write down what you basically do on a daily basis. Start now, at this very moment, rather than go back and jot down highlights from the past few days. Take notes for 2 -3 days so you catch onto what your average, non-special day includes. Note what you do and how you feel about it, as well as how you feel about your surroundings. Pay attention to your attitudes and level of happiness during different activities and situations. Don’t overlook the simple things you do, such as TV watching (including what you watch and how it makes you feel), meals (preparation, menu and clean up), while doing simple chores, and how you spend tiny free moments, not just large free blocks of time.

You can see where this is going. You’re invited to be honest about who you are, what interests you, what excites you, what annoys you, what invigorates you, what you actually do vs. what you assume you do or pretend you do, etc. This activity can show you what you really love, how you really spend your time, energy and resources, and how you really feel about your home, yourself, your life, your surroundings, and your ability to affect them.

Remember that word feel?

Feelings rule supreme because no matter who we are, what we’re doing, or where we are, they remain with us and affect us. But know, 100% know, that you affect how you feel. You have more power over your feelings than they have over you. If you understand that, then you can create them intentionally. You can and will begin creating peace where you might have previously felt discontent. You can and will create order where you might have formerly created clutter or chaos. You can and will create what you really want most, and what you are willing to put your efforts into.

So why take possession of your feelings and guide them? 

 

Me, being Great, Good and just Okay. None of us are always at our most perfect best self.

Because you want to be your best self as much as possible, you want to create the best atmosphere around you that you possibly can. You want to be happy while living in your home and while away from it. You want to be the best you can be while alone, while with your family, and while with those you love. You can intentionally create feelings while you’re in your home, and also when you’re not there. 

Top goal? You want your home to work for you and serve you in order to feed your soul, refresh you and your family, and give something valuable back to all of you.

We invest a huge amount of money in our homes—in our mortgages and rent, our HOA and utility bills. They require furnishings and repairs. Our homes could suck us dry financially if we let them!

Our home can also suck us dry emotionally, spiritually, psychologically and in every other way possible if we allow it to. We—the residents inside our homes—are responsible for nourishing our home so it returns good feelings to us.

In order to create the feelings we want in our homes and in our lives in order to allow our home to give back to us, we have to hand it a job description. We have to choose the parameters. We define the details. Please take time to choose how you want your home to feel and what you want back from it. That could be called your home’s “To Do” list.

As you proceed, I guarantee if you’re not already enhancing the positive, productive feelings in your home, you’ll discover doing so now will require a constant, vigilant effort until you convince yourself and your home you’re serious about how you want it to feel. Then after that, it will still require effort. 

As you select three words—the final top three descriptive words of how you want your home and life to feel—take some time to define what those words mean to you. Own them without wondering if it’s okay with anyone else or fits with someone else's description. For example, your definition of comfortable will probably be different than mine in a huge variety of ways. 

Ready, set, go! 

·

• Compile a list of feeling words, then narrow it down to your top three.
• Define those three words.

Enjoy your discoveries and I’ll meet you back here later for more Homeward Bound encouragement.