The Key to Happiness is in My Pocket!

I have the key to happiness!
Tucked in my pocket.
Let me tell you about this sweet little key:

By now usually everyone knows some days are just a blip in the whole revolution of time:

Sun up. Sun down. Move on to the next day.
Some days are better, like supernovas, star bursts, and aurora borealis. So bright and fun you can’t wait for tomorrow.
Then there are black hole days. Like this morning:

Good morning? Hardly! I’m barely awake and I already realize I haven’t followed through on my most brilliant idea of the century, therefore, there is no ten gallon vat of icy cold Dr. Pepper hiding under my bed and rigged up with a flexible straw ending two inches from my lips.  

In retaliation I pretended to sleep as I hide under the covers. That couldn’t last forever, so eventually I peeked out. Yikes! I was forced to crawl out, and felt like a giant slug during the process. Kind of scary—knowing something slimy resided in my cute little bedroom. But I was forced to get up before I shed that illusion because there were important things to do. 

I fetched a broom and smashed an itty-bitty spider scribbling invisible webs across my ceiling.

Rule #1 for spider smashing above beds: Make the bed first! If not, you’re guaranteed to miss and without fail the spider will swing down and scamper into hiding somewhere in the folds of your covers. If so, you will never find it. Never! Rule #2: Wash all your bedding. Power wash using the hot, hot, mega-hot cycle, and then triple wash. Even if you did find the spider in the blankets, the washing routine still applies because little spidery footprints left behind prevent sound sleeping. Rule #3: For an easier life remember to obey rule #1.

I heeded rule #1 because of past experiences, which meant I caught that 8-footed little critter before he hit my comforter, eliminating the need to search blankets and sheets or do laundry. Next I headed to the shower to de-slug myself. Have  you ever noticed how the mind is a powerful thing? I had showered before bed, setting myself up for a fresh as spring morning attitude, but my brain misplaced that memo and slipped in that sluggy imagery. Adding in a creepy-crawly encounter first thing didn’t help, so there wasn’t anything else to do but wash everything away in a steamy shower.

Chipper and happy again, I mean, awake now, but still trailing sluggishness, I tackled job #1 for the day: electronics. I should have known disaster awaited, but no, my silky, doubly-clean hair and perky smile were clueless, totally forgetting me and electronics are an unpleasant mix. Always have been.

Ten-zillion tears later, and after an intense make-up repair job, me and my repaired Nano playlist grabbed my car key and headed out. I plugged that sleek little musical baby in, turned the volume up full blast and zipped over to the hardware store and asked for bling. The cute girl behind the counter who usually sold sledge hammers (something I didn’t need this morning, thanks to my daughter and her computer savvy, which spared my Nano, and possibly the home computer) led me to the key machine. A minute later she delivered exactly what I wanted for a mere $2.99.  She apologized for the astronomical price. What?!? $2.99?  You’re kidding, right? Last time I felt like spending my way toward a smile I refrained. In fact, I usually do. Today was one exception, but last time I felt so inclined I informed my husband I hadn’t blown $149 at Hobby Lobby, hadn’t spent $5000 at the furniture store, and never plunked down over $25,000 at the Jeep dealer for a shiny new red Cherokee. I hadn’t even spent a penny, in fact. I just stayed home and away from the internet and worked off the undesired spending energy by scrubbing something.

Funny how my newly purchased song never played during my ten minutes in the car. What song, you ask? Bobby McFerrin’s Don’t Worry Be Happy. 

Somewhere on the black pavement between bling and strawberries (they alter attitudes when accompanied with whipped cream), I considered my upcoming blog changes and what I really wanted to do today. Being an experienced procrastinator, I have brought you this blog entry today instead of the first installment of my new blog because of my new key. Blame it on bling. Anyway, I expect I’ll spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning up posts I’m preparing for the near future, unless my realtor calls and offers to show me a million dollar home selling for a quarter that price, in which case, there goes the day and the family budget.

So here’s today’s wisdom: Life is a bowl of strawberries and cream, but only after you’ve chased off spiders and slugs, battled the great Apple, added bling, and tried to whistle with Bobby.