Here it Comes: Home For Sale

Big day, around here. Our home is for sale. Again.

The sky  is spitting snow and the wind is howling. Literally. Winter is staking its claim on my Happy Little Village. It's a perfect day to flip on the fire, grab a book, snuggle under a blanket and forget about the world out there. But no, I've got a professional photographer nosing around my house, snooping in closets and behind beds. He's taking pictures of everything. Even inside the closets. No skeletons have tumbled out yet. Maybe behind the next door?

I caught my son (yes, he's a professional photographer and photo editor) checking readings. I have no clue what he's doing, actually. Maybe checking to see if a kid ran through a shot? That could easily happen in this house. I do know the final results will be better if he takes the pictures than if I do. They'll soon be plastered all over the internet, give or take twenty-four hours. They need to be good so they entice a buyer through my front door.

 

I snapped away behind him as he worked, but that was only when I wasn't removing the tissue box, or stray grand kid shoes, or moving his camera lenses for him, or turning lights on and off or adjusting the angle of the blinds. I got a few good pictures myself, but also tons of fuzzy ones and lots with random spots of light floating through the air or attaching themselves to walls. Ahh, that is the sad outcome of an amateur. It's amazing what the eye will overlook, but is glaringly out of place in a photo. Look! An open drawer? Umm, that's not cool. Yes, I took that shot...

 

Of all my photos I think the best one is of this little Grand. We "hid" behind a corner while shots were taken, or she waited in the other room, or she danced around asking us to take pictures of her. I caught this one while we waited in the shadows while my son worked. So while I stressed about whether towels were hanging straight and the canisters on the kitchen countertop where lined up just right, she played games and thought the whole process was just a fun game.

 

Now I've got a key box hanging on my front porch railing. A sign goes in the yard on Friday. (My realtor listed 9 houses last week and ran out of signs and had to order more!) So, once we hit the MLS, that's when the games really begin. It's called hide-'n-seek and goes like this: My realtor calls, giving me a 15-minute warning before a showing. I, we, and whoever else is around will rush through the house hiding everything unsightly like dirty dishes, dirty laundry, a basket of unfolded clean laundry, shoes, socks, trash, you name it. We'll then leave the house in a dither. (Silly, word, dither. Who invented it, anyway?) No matter, off we rush in a dither to Arctic Circle or McDonald's, but only if we have little ones in tow. Both have play lands. If it's just adults we'll find a better hangout. An hour or two later we'll casually cruise up our street to make sure a buyer isn't lurking around studying our shutters and sprouting pansies. When we finally return we'll begin the hunt for all lost things--key's, important papers,  stacks of bills, school shoes, medical records, favorite recipes, etc. Oh, this dither-ditch-and-find game is going to be so much fun!

I just swiveled my chair around to give thumbs-up or thumbs-down on house photos and discovered another reason to dither--yikes! I forgot to put a centerpiece on the table for staging! How terrible. Yes, I know, centerpieces are hit and miss in households across America. Personally, I play push and pull with mine. I push it to one end of the table, then pull it back to center. After about five weeks of doing that three times a day at least, and more often when helping with homework or in the middle of a creative project, I want to throw it out on the driveway and run over it! Instead, I dismantled it and pushed various parts into hidden places and forgot about everything. I also shopped for something new, but returned home uninspired and empty handed, which ended the push and pull. Now, with a quick swivel, I discovered the dining room photo on my son's computer screen showed the table in all of its own, non-enhanced glory. It looked stark and empty. Bare. Desolate. Lonely. Boring. Too orangy. Not good!

Good thing I have a photographer in residence. We grabbed a basket of apples and a few other things and another photo session began. I wonder if that's how Better Homes & Garden's does it. Probably. They pull up with a truck of stuff to offset what they find in the featured house. They tote in rugs and plants and carry out  bookcases and porcelain iguanas. Well, the staging is finished around here, except I really could use an inedible centerpiece that didn't continually need restocking. An iguana would work. (Just kidding.)

I really should make something ultra stinky for dinner, like cauliflower and bean soup to go with liver and onions. Tonight might be my last chance for offensive kitchen odors for a long time. Wait! The kitchen is sparkling clean and everyone is under strict orders to mess nothing up, or else! Chinese, anyone? Take out, of course. I'd hate to be the first one to scatter crumbs.

Thanks for wishing us well!