Running with Exclamation Point Mentality!

Running: I ran past a dead deer. Road kill. Not a pretty sight.
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Writing: Revision time arrived for a manuscript I wrote 4-5 years ago. This one is a tough job—not pretty at all. I might as well run over it with a big SUV and bump it to the side of the road. From one page to the next no character says anything without it being the most important comment in the book! No one could do anything without it being the most important action imaginable! No one could think anything without it being the most important thought any brain ever had! No one could feel anything without it being totally heart-wrenching, heart-stopping or overly exaggerated! No reader could miss the forced adrenalin rush I shoved on them!
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In one writing class I was told you get 3 exclamation points in your lifetime. Period. (So please, stick with a period and don't use up your allotment in one paragraph.) At another class the instructor said you get 3 in each book—and don’t push it because you won't be forgiven or allowed a second chance. A self-editing book I read said you’re allowed zero. The author clearly explained why saying something about torture for not complying—or was it promising you'll never be published? Same dif.
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I have reformed. Wish I'd known then what I know now before I started that oh-so-thrilling! snoozer. If anyone out there wants to review an excellent work showing exactly why everyone should have a stink-bomb rigged to the exclamation point on their keyboard, let me know. I’ll rip out a page—any page, one is as bad as the next—of that overly exaggerated, wearisome, downright awful manuscript (except for the plot and characters, of course) and I’ll mail it to you. (Catch: Once you repair the damage, you must send it back—a great way to help me out for teaching you a lesson.) Reading a page littered with dead highlights is nauseating. Total brain kill. Not a pretty sight! Just like I avoided the mess on the curb, I'm avoiding cleaning up that manuscript.
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I live in a quiet little village. I run outside. And because my village is small, I happen to know how they dispose of road kill. I've witnessed two methods—the civilized city-worker way (shiver and cringe), and the fast and businesslike county way (gasp and scream!). Thank goodness my keyboard is limited to a delete and backspace key, although if I had to watch the chain-it-up and haul-it-off method used on an unfortunate exclamation point, I'd completely disbale the key! (oh, shoot, I did it again. Where did I park the snowplow key?)
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